PUTTING IT TOGETHER

My shredder broke. It started making bad noises and stopped shredding. So I took it apart. I monkeyed with the guts, put it back together and got it working again.

About the best your hands can look after they've been in a shredder.

These are all the parts left over after I put the thing back together. Somehow it worked just fine without 9 washers, 3 screws and four black things.

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BLUE STICK

There's a school on the Westside named for President Teddy Roosevelt. But for some reason they've depicted the famous Rough Rider as a Na'vi from Avatar. I can't remember — was free unobtanium a part of the Square Deal?

A PRODUCT TO DIE FOR

No, this wasn't in a police evidence locker; I found it at my local hardware store.

DECK THE MALLS

I just saw this dress in Macy's. Are women flocking to the "Mrs. Claus look" this summer?"

DISCOUNT STALKING

Based on this sign by the exit, I think Sears is stalking me?

…OR NOT

GUATEMALAN LOVE SONG

In the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Jane Lynch's character Paula tells Andy (Steve Carell) that her former Guatemalan gardner / lover Javier once serenaded her with a "beautiful old Guatemalan love song" which went like this:

Cuando arreglan mi cuarto
No encuentro nada.
Donde va con tanta prisa?
Al partido de futbol.

For those of wondering about the English translation, it's roughly:

Whenever they clean my room
I can find nothing.
Where are you going in such a hurry?
To a soccer game.


Weird, huh? Anyway… you'd probably love the funny t-shirts and stickers at my online store: TVsauce.com

SAN FRANCISCO

Transamerica knuckle

Textbook Pizza at Tony's

Palace of Fine Arts

The least mysterious room at the Winchester Mystery House

COWBOY FESTIVAL

Cowboy S+M gear?

Western ladies. You can't see it, but the one on the left is holding a Samsung Galaxy.

Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival

NO BANKING OF BALLS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR __________

Santa Monica's Pacific Park really knows how to make a kid feel special on his birthday.

IT'S A STEAL

Listen, Ross — if you're not cool with shoplifting, then you do not love bargains as much as I do.

MIKE AND IKE AND YIPES!

When I first saw this giant box of Mike and Ike, I thought it was a board game based on the candy.

COVER ME

This is the tag that was on my old electric blanket. I wonder if there's still a "Blanket Service Station" — and will they check my oil too?

SLOW BURN

Here's a delightful Yelp Review of Stella Barra Pizza. The reviewer is pissed that she literally burned the roof of her mouth eating some pizza. She didn't figuratively or metaphorically burn herself, mind you — she literally burned herself.

And the fact that she put hot food in her mouth before it had cooled enough to chew it "really bothered" her about the restaurant.

It's almost as if the pizza was in an oven or something.

YOU KNOW IT'S A LONG MENU WHEN...

PAPER TRAIL

At a job I had recently, the janitor stored the extra toilet paper on top of the paper towel dispenser. One day, I rearranged the rolls more entertainingly. A few days later, I found it had been rearranged again. He totally got it.

We went back and forth like this for a while. It was like having a delightful conversation with someone I never met.

I didn't take pictures of all of the configurations, but here are some of my favorites:

I'LL SEE YOU IN HEALTH

Just finished a cooking show for CBS. The premise: professional chefs transform unhealthy home recipes of normal folks into nutritious & delicious meals.

Here's a photo of our craft service table:

THE HANGOVER

I paid a visit to the Irish bar from my college days. The drink menu has undergone quite a transformation. With vodka flavors like "Birthday Cake" and "Salted Karamel," these days the place seems to cater to alcoholic babies.

OH, CANADA!

Jeez, Netflix, that's a pretty specific category.

SHE'S GOT LEGS?

If I could choose one word to describe a sexy female leg, undoubtedly it would be "Toothpick."

By the way, J Crew's mannequin is too skinny even for Toothpick Jeans, so the store had to pin them.