TRICK

Continuing my annual Halloween tradition: 
taping an empty bag of candy to my door 
with a sign that reads "Take One Please."

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

Awhile back I was a writer on a cooking competition show. I wrote this line for the host:

"They say everything’s bigger in Texas, and this chili is no exception. It’s got 684 calories per serving – but the biggest problem is that half of them are from fat!"

A studio executive on the show gave the following note:
"Might not go over big with our Texas stations… omit Texas negative."

NO WAY OUT

Los Angeles is the greatest (unlivable) city in the world!

NORTON SIMON

This painting is entitled "Don't Poke Jesus With A Stick."

Nice hat.

HOORAY FOR SPORT!

This is a great shirt for folks who love basketball…
but aren't ready to commit to any one particular team.