ARM & HAMMERED

Last month I entered a contest sponsored by Arm & Hammer Baking Soda. As part of the contest, entrants had to submit a "baking soda tip" which would be judged by a panel.

Here are a few of my "tips."

SCREW YOU, "SEINFELD" AND "M*A*S*H" AND "MAD MEN"

The New York Times just reviewed the show I'm working on, Killer Karaoke.

The reviewer called it "the greatest show in television history."

As my friend Jerry Mahoney said, "This is a new high for you and/or a new low for print journalism."

INFESTED WATERS

So it turns out I just had dry skin, but while looking it up on WebMD, I found another entertaining symptom:

What condition wouldn't be made worse 
by swimming in infested waters?